I’m currently peeving. Maybe it’s just me… or maybe not, seen as though this very topic has come up a couple of times in the last week with some of my girlfriends who share my age. Why o’why do I feel like I can’t find any clothes that are designed for me?! I don’t feel as though I’m being overly fussy, (and to my sister who reads this and is scoffing… don’t!) There are just three (THREE!) things that I want to avoid when choosing clothes and I don’t feel it to be an unreasonable list. So to all the sales assistants who try and bring me things that they think will be perfect for my age, and body, and to stores that seem to make clothes for people other than me, please, listen up, this blog is for you.
Firstly, I cannot go bra-less. I’ve breastfed two babies and believe me when I tell you that I NEED to wear a strapless bra. Do not try to tell me about those sticker things from Bras n’ things or clear chicken fillets or whatever else that YOU are wearing that just stick on, and that don’t require a thick-ass strap at the back and some hardcore underwire at the front. Trust me when I tell you… those sticker things will do nothing to hold up what used to resemble breasts but now just look like someone put two tennis balls in the bottom of two socks and attached it to my chest. To clarify, that means no backless dresses, no tie-up fronts, and nothing that is low cut to my navel. If I cant bring in reinforcements (of FBI proportions) to hold me up, then the answer is no. And please don’t argue with me and insist I try the chicken fillets, I have tried them… and everything else you can possibly think of. Secondly, I do not want something that is very short. Now, I understand that this may be subjective, and here is where you (the designers and sellers of clothes) and I seem to have a difference of opinion on what short actually means. Again, just to clarify…If any part of my derriere is showing, it is too short. If I bend over and you can see any part of my derriere, it is too short. If it looks like I forgot to wear my shorts, it is too short. And no, even if you tell me that it isn’t that short and that it looks great on me, I still don’t want it. Please just refer back to my last sentence. Thirdly, if it is that tight that it requires me to go sans underwear, then, no. Yes, I understand that you do it ALL the time but I like my underwear and i’m not leaving the house without them. Capiche? Now, please don’t misunderstand me, I don’t want to live in turtle necks, and I don’t want shorts to my knee, and I don’t want to be wearing a tent dress (unless its that time of the month, in which case, pass me the tent dress!).
Here is what I am asking… I’m young enough to want the cute summer designs that you are making, and showing me. I love the tie-ups, I want to wear them, and a slither of skin showing in the right part is fine by me, but I ask you, can’t you just make the fabric extend a little further so I don’t have to be subjected to chicken fillets and stick-on bras? And the shorts are great, they fit well and I like them, but please for the love of god, I’m begging you for just a little more fabric! Is there not a length that is somewhere in between ass-on-show and knees-that-have-disappeared? What is your adversity to mid-thigh placement? And lastly, I know that some girls like the skin tight dresses – lord knows I like a fitted dress, they are sexy and i’d like to think that I have a shred of sexy left (somewhere between the saggy breasts, loose skin and wrinkles). But can’t I get my sexy on whilst still wearing my underwear?
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been able to find some nice summer pieces this season (bra and underwear approved!) thanks to the likes of Seed, SIR, Country Road and surprisingly a few pieces from Kookai (#SorryJohn) – but more often than not I find myself saying, ‘they are too short’ and ‘that is too tight’, and more regularly ‘I can’t wear a bra with that’. To all the people in the fashion industry… Please don’t forget about us ladies in our 30’s and 40’s who need a little extra fabric and a little more support… and most definitely our underwear!
With love and gratitude…